My husband travels quite frequently for work. In fact, last week he was gone for five days. Then today we dropped him off at the airport for yet another trip. The summer is his busy travel season, but he travels throughout the year, too. Even though it isn’t my goal to be a stay-at-home Mom forever, I am so glad that I am during this season of our lives. But whether both parents work or not, having a traveling spouse can be hard.
When I first found out that my husband would be traveling a lot I reached out to other Moms for words of wisdom and advice. Now that I have been somewhat seasoned myself, I’ve put together a list of relaxed advice for the Mom with a traveling spouse.
Don’t Commit to A Lot While Your Spouse is Gone
This one is pretty self explanatory. Don’t commit to a lot of extra plans while your spouse is traveling. Sure, routine appointments and outings exist. But don’t go out of your way to overload your schedule while your spouse is out of town.
While your partner is traveling and you are riding solo at home, any parenting responsibilities will fall solely on you. If you overload your schedule while parenting solo, you will get burnt out quickly. Yes, we are all super Moms. But we are human, too. Keep the extracurriculars to a minimum if you can so that you don’t over do it.
The Kids Have to Eat, But So Do You
I’m a big fan of meal planning. I’ve written articles about it before, and I’ve even created my own meal planners. But when my husband is out of town dinner doesn’t hold quite the same weight as it normally would. My kids are both under 10, and so a lot of times they don’t want a big fancy dinner. I’ve learned to keep it simple while my husband is out of town, and it has made a tremendous difference.
Another thing to keep in mind is that, if the budget allows, it is okay to order takeout for yourself while your partner is traveling. Treat yourself! A lot of times I feel guilty for ordering myself a special meal. But then I remember that I’m putting in the extra Mom hours, and my husband is probably eating some delicious meal while traveling anyway. You deserve the break and the special treat! Just do yourself a favor and get the takeout so that you can relax a little bit.
You Can Still Keep Part of Your Routine
When you have a traveling spouse, it can feel like your entire routine has fallen apart. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Even if your spouse has to travel overnight, you can still keep parts of your routine that include your partner.
I’ll give you this example: Say your spouse has a big part in the kids’ normal bedtime routine. Even though they might not physically be able to be there, they can still be part of the bedtime routine! Video call with them or put them on speaker phone so that they can still help you tuck your kids into bed. If they can’t call at night, have them pre-record a video so that you can still show it to your children at bed time.
Another example: We’ve called my husband on the Echo Show at dinner time so that he can still “sit” at the table with us. He might not physically be in the room, but he can still be a part of our dinner conversations. We love it!
Give the Kids Something to Look Forward To
This is the one part of having a traveling spouse that is actually a positive for us. A lot of times the girls are sad while Daddy is gone, so we try to give them something to look forward to. In the past I’ve promised sleepovers with Mommy while Daddy is gone. We either all climb into my bed and fall asleep watching movies, or we have a sleepover downstairs in the living room. The girls love it when either of these special things happen.
When I first reached out for advice, one Mom pointed out that it’s not fair to Dad to always have to miss out on the special stuff. And she is right. Another way we give our girls something to look forward to while Daddy is traveling is to hold a movie night when he gets back. Daddy is usually tired and we all want to hang out so we put on a movie, pop some popcorn, and snuggle while we watch a movie together.
One last thing that the girls look forward to is the time before the trip during which they draw special pictures and write special notes for my husband. When they’re done they’ll sneak the special papers into his suitcase so that he finds them later. I’m pretty sure my husband looks forward to those notes, too.
Give Yourself Grace While Your Spouse Is Traveling
Read that heading again: give yourself grace while your spouse is traveling. The dishes might not get done right away, the floor might not get swept at night, and the laundry might pile up a bit more than normal. And that’s okay! When your spouse is traveling and you’re parenting solo you will probably be a bit more occupied than normal, so don’t be so hard on yourself.
I’m not saying to let the whole house go…I’m saying to be patient with yourself and your kids. Yeah, they might get a little extra screen time while your partner is gone. And you might not have the house spotless when your spouse comes home, but that’s okay. If you’ve kept the kids alive, loved and happy, then I think you’ve done a great job.
As Moms and parents we beat ourselves up enough as it is. Grace is a wonderful thing, especially when you learn to give grace to yourself in tough situations.
Make Sure That You Take Time to Connect With Your Spouse
Sometimes when my husband is gone for more than two days I’ll forget to text him and check in during the day. Things get busy with the kids, and so my phone is not always at the top of my priority list. But I do make sure to check in with him at night, no matter how busy the day has been.
I know they say that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I get it. But when you have a traveling spouse you still want to make sure that you take the time to connect with them while they’re gone. Any time my husband is gone I make sure to call him right before bedtime. We usually talk about our day, even if it was a mundane one. They might not always be the most exciting conversations, but it’s nice to know that we’re thinking of each other and that we’re still making time for each other during our otherwise busy days.
So Many Other Ways to Cope With a Traveling Spouse
While I’ve developed some tips and tricks of my own for traveling season, I’m still pretty new at this. My husband has been traveling for work for only a brief ten months now. The more he travels, the more comfortable I get with our new routine. And the more creative I get when I have to parent solo.
There are other families out there that have been doing this for years. Some spouses travel for weeks or months at a time. It’s always interesting to hear what other families do to cope while one partner travels.
Does your partner travel? Are you the traveling spouse in your household? If so, we’d love to hear how you manage! In the comments below tell us more about your tips and tricks for coping with a traveling spouse.
