Ahh, the school year is ending and it’s summertime! For most, it’s an exciting time but for a tween leaving the nest of elementary school and preparing to roam the halls of middle school in just a few short weeks it can be a bit intimidating.
Yes, Middle School. Let’s just say it really isn’t most people’s time to shine. So much is going on for kids mentally, emotionally, and hormonally. They are working to find who their true friends are and more importantly who they are themselves. They are popping the bubble they lived in for 6 years during elementary school and entering the world of becoming a teenager. And with that transition comes an entire new sense of independence which can be challenging and overwhelming for both adolescents and their parents.
While my parenting experience hasn’t brought me to the middle school phase of life quite yet, I do have 10 years experience teaching grades 4 through 8 and everything in between. And even though middle school is very different from when we as parents were there, there are things you can do to help prep your tween to make the transition a bit easier.
1. ORGANIZATION
Practice with your tween different strategies for staying organized. While they are used to keeping all of their things in one central location at elementary school, they are now going to be moving from class to class each day with a different teacher every hour or so. Each teacher may have different expectations on what supplies are needed and it will be your child’s job to make sure they come prepared. Talk openly with them about ways to keep their backpacks, lockers, Google Drives, etc. organized so they can find things efficiently and productively.
Additionally, talk with you preteen about how they plan on keeping their tests and assignment due dates organized. Their middle school teachers will most likely have 100s of students so they will not get the same constant, daily reminders like they did in elementary school. It will be 100% up to them to keep track of their work and things coming up in the future. I personally like the old fashioned agendas you can buy on Amazon or at Target but most kids use their phone these days and that’s totally fine too. FIgure out which way works for your child’s specific needs and what strategies will encourage them to remain on top of their work.
2. SELF ADVOCACY
Self advocacy in middle school is two fold; academically and social/emotional. Tying into organization, is self advocacy in academics. As previously mentioned, middle school teachers have 100s of students and your child will likely have 6+ teachers in any given semester. Therefore, if they are struggling or they need help, they need to be the ones to speak up. Try to stress the importance of talking with a parent, teacher, or guidance counselor about what they are struggling with and what kind of support they think they need. Most likely, a teacher will not seek them out if they are not willing to get help for themselves.
The same goes with assignments, if they are missing assignments or late on turning in their work, chances are a teacher will not seek them out. They need to stay on top of things themselves and if they do fall behind, they need to be the one to discuss how to get back on track with their teachers. From my experience, teachers will be much more receptive to making accommodations about late or missing work if the emphasis on it comes from the student. Encourage your tween to send emails or stay late after class, take ownership of their work and figure out a plan to catch up.
Secondly, self advocating socially and emotionally will help them navigate the changes bound to occur over the first few months of middle school. Middle school is a funny time where some kids are still very immature and naive while some have matured quickly and may think they are much older than they really are. Tweens are trying to find their group of friends and establish themselves socially. Encourage your child to focus their energy on friendships that bring out the best in them and contribute positively to their life.
It is important to stress the importance of following your gut to your new middle schooler. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t and it’s important to find a trusted adult to confide in. There are plenty of resources in the world of middle school for students to reach out to if they are feeling overwhelmed, sad, anxious or just feel like they need to vent. Those people want to help but won’t know your child is struggling unless they speak up.
3. SOCIAL MEDIA
From a former middle school teacher’s opinion, this one is the biggest and most important topic to discuss and set boundaries with. This is hands down the biggest difference between middle school 20 years ago and today. When we were young, if you had a bad day or there was drama at school, once you went home you didn’t have to deal with the drama for the remainder of the evening. Now, that drama is non stop because it follows middle schoolers home on their devices.
So much happens on social media these days that most parents are not aware of and the things posted and said on social media quickly trickle their way into school. What some parents don’t know is that even if the social media issue doesn’t occur at school, if the issues are brought up in school and are impacting education, the school is obligated to get involved. It is astounding how much instructional time is taken away from students for teachers and counselors to deal with social media drama.
One important rule of thumb I would always tell my students was that if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, do not put it on social media or in a text message. It’s very easy for tweens to have “social media muscles” or the ability to act tough through a screen when most would never act that way in real life. Therefore, it is important to stress to your middle schooler that once something is out there in cyberspace, it is there forever. It takes 3 seconds for someone to screenshot something and share it with dozens of people. Once it is out in the social media universe, it is there to stay.
4. GET INVOLVED
This may sound cheesy to your middle schooler but getting involved in whatever it is they are passionate about will definitely help the transition from elementary school student to middle schooler. Whether it be sports, music, drama, or leadership roles within the school, getting involved will help them not only meet new friends but also make them feel more comfortable in their new surroundings. Encourage your middle schooler to try new things and step outside their comfort zone. It may surprise them what they enjoy or find a new passion for.
All in all, the movement from elementary school to middle school can be tough, can take some time to adjust to and that’s ok! It might be a bumpy first couple weeks but sooner or later everyone will adjust. Try to remember to keep the door to conversations with your tween as open as possible. The more they feel comfortable sharing with you, the more you can help guide them through the transition.
As a parent, your child establishing their independence can be scary but try to remember it is a normal and positive part of life. You and your almost middle schooler can and will do this!
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